Monday, November 5, 2012

Bathroom Monologue: My Uncanny Powers of Menstruation


“I possess a few uncanny powers. For instance, I can make a perfectly normal woman menstruate just by scheduling to see her in a week. It does not matter how normal her cycle is; if we have a lunch date, or intend to see a movie, or travel to Virginia together, she will flow. I once spent the weekend with six women who hailed from five different states and they all managed to hit their periods the day we checked in. My powers increase if I have romantic interest in the lady; her period may last the entire month I’m in town. One might think the month-long period is a lie by a woman who just doesn’t want to tell me I’m hideous, but given my track record I believe there is some physiological truth to it. I don’t know the origin of this amazing killjoy miracle, only that my social life leaves a red streak wherever I try to go.”

5 comments:

  1. BWHAH Alright John I challenge you. One day I will meet you in person and we shall see. ;)

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  2. Hate to break it to you but biologically speaking think Mother Nature's sending a message! :-)

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  3. How fortunate you are to be alive. Men have been killed for less.

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  4. Me thinks the narrator is kidding himself! Can't he take a hint?

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