Bathroom Monologue: Best of the Rest

Well Mandy and Sam loved each other for a good long time, which meant they had that day, the best day of their lives, which, of course, was run to please other people. Two aunts and a surviving grandmother ran the kitchen. Sam's sisters organized where everyone slept, except for Mandy and Sam, who were accidentally kicked out of their bedrooms for Great Aunt Helen and Bill (Sam’s sister’s boyfriend, from Australia), to instead sleep in a hammock outside and in the laundry room, respectively. Mandy's mother picked the location, and Sam's mother got square dancing as part of the celebration after the ceremony, since she'd had another location in mind and needed some form of reparations. It was the best day of their lives, with food they normally only tolerated on holidays, vows that didn't quite fit their feelings (but that had Great Aunt Helen in tears) and Mandy's mother's dress, which was the loveliest thing they had ever seen, though it wasn't much designed for square dancing. Mandy and Sam were spun in every direction, lifted up, marched down the dance hall, and in general, were completely separated by a clapping, stomping barrier of relatives and friends of relatives. Nathaniel, a childhood friend of Mandy's, was the first to notice the divided couple's wandering eyes and frowns. Nathaniel hailed to Christine, a sweet ex-girlfriend of Sam's, who drafted her brother (Lenny) and Bruce (Mandy and Sam's best friend from college, who was about as terrified of square dancing as you could get). This fantastic four infiltrated the next dance, which saw Mandy and Sam at literal opposite ends of the room, partnered with Renfield (another boyfriend of a sister) and some kind of second cousin, respectively. Well Bruce linked arms with Sam, and Lenny gallivanted with Mandy, and Christine gave covert directions, and without anyone noticing (not even the watchful Great Aunt Helen), Mandy and Sam were square-danced square out the back door. It was hours before anyone noticed, and even then it was fine, because it was 1:00 AM, and they had already had the best day of their lives.