Bathroom Monologue: Heard this muttered near the chimney

I'm just saying, Santa Claus lives as far away from civilization as possible, with his wife and elves. That's one relative on the entire continent. And once a year when he leaves the north, to visit children - no adults, and if the kid is awake, he won't stop by. That's his Christmas, one without manic-depressive parents, siblings who are more successful than he is, or seeing anyone who could possibly be related to him. I'm just saying.