Sunday, June 21, 2009

Bathroom Monologue: All-Father’s Day

Just before sunrise God came down into the Foyer of Heaven, shaking something at St. Peter. Peter was the only one on duty at the time.

"He... He..." stammered the omniscient entity. Peter perked up, straightening his uniform.


"It's a Father's Day card!"

God thrust the card at St. Peter. On it, two bears held fishing poles. One bear was bigger and wore a fishing hat.

"Look at it. A dad and a son bear!"

"That's... good, Lord."

When St. Peter did not show the appropriate enthusiasm, God repeated, "It's a Father's Day card!"

Peter tapped his record book, then his eyebrows perked.

"Father's Day! He finally wrote to you?"

"I thought he'd never get over that," said God, clutching the card to His omnipotent chest. "But he says he's close to forgiving Me. You know, about that earth business."

"Forgiveness was one of his big things, Lord."

"I know, but some matters you just can't believe until you see them."

He reviewed the picture on the card, then the message inside and laughed until all the clouds shook. Then he pushed it at Peter again.

"See? The father bear is teaching him how to fish rather than giving him one. It's a family in-joke. Get it?"

Peter smiled meekly enough to inherit the earth.

"Yes, Lord."

God left the hall, babbling something about it being the best Father's Day since Adam moved out. He was in such a good mood that Queen played over Heaven's loud speakers for the first time in decades. The first song was, of course, "It's a Miracle."


  1. Hey John, very clever piece, loved the family in-joke....definately laughed out loud on that!!!

  2. Aww...actually found this very sweet and touching. And had to google the lyrics to the Queen song. Awesome, sir. Awesome.


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