Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Ogre/Troll

Many people have trouble telling the difference between ogres and trolls. They’re terrifying and come in a range of deformities that make taxidermy more difficult than figuring out if the emo teen with super strength and whose skin sparkles in sunlight is a vampire. There is a handy test, though. If the troll/ogre isn’t eating you, engage him in a conversation on things that matter (discounting topics like when or why he might eat you – these are dangerously suggestive). Make some platonic remarks about the gulf oil spill or the state of contemporary religion. It may respond with a dull stare, in which case it is an ogre. If it responds with clever but offensive observations that incite you into rage, it is a troll. Terminate conversation immediately. Trolls do this to upset people to the point where they can eat them and claim self-defense. Do not feed the trolls.


  1. Agreed, trolls are good at inciting. Hey, are these not the same creatures in an earlier post of yours frolicking in water parks? Am I confused?

  2. I always wondered about this and since I had it wrong it's a miracle I haven't been eaten.
    Alan, be careful. Confusion makes you weak.
    John, I look forward to your Bathroom Monologues.

    Giggles and Guns

  3. They are the same creatures that a speaker claimed were dumb and peaceful in a previous Bathroom Monologue. Whether you trust this one or that one, Alan, is up to you, but be careful. You're looking mighty edible today.

    Mary, thanks for stopping by!

  4. What a useful guide! I too have trouble telling the difference. I wouldn't want to feed the trolls by accident.

  5. Thanks for this, John. (scribbles notes furiously)

    Forewarned is forearmed. :)

  6. Okay. I'll try to remember this John. Uh... which were you again? I'm teasing. I'm teasing. I will also remember never to feed a troll or share chocolate. Although, I bet an ogre would like chocolate. Or chocolate milk, or perhaps chocolate cows...

    Thanks for writing this.

  7. Ohh, you're saying that my trolls are actually ogres?

    That would mean I'll have to rethink my writing challenge. Or do it all over again... *taps finger on cheek*

  8. Where was this post when I was playing Dungeons & Dragons like a dork in the 80s?

    Good stuff.

  9. Can I feed the trolls before midnight?


Counter est. March 2, 2008