Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Bathroom Monologue: Ogre/Troll

Many people have trouble telling the difference between ogres and trolls. They’re terrifying and come in a range of deformities that make taxidermy more difficult than figuring out if the emo teen with super strength and whose skin sparkles in sunlight is a vampire. There is a handy test, though. If the troll/ogre isn’t eating you, engage him in a conversation on things that matter (discounting topics like when or why he might eat you – these are dangerously suggestive). Make some platonic remarks about the gulf oil spill or the state of contemporary religion. It may respond with a dull stare, in which case it is an ogre. If it responds with clever but offensive observations that incite you into rage, it is a troll. Terminate conversation immediately. Trolls do this to upset people to the point where they can eat them and claim self-defense. Do not feed the trolls.

9 comments:

  1. Agreed, trolls are good at inciting. Hey, are these not the same creatures in an earlier post of yours frolicking in water parks? Am I confused?

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  2. I always wondered about this and since I had it wrong it's a miracle I haven't been eaten.
    Alan, be careful. Confusion makes you weak.
    John, I look forward to your Bathroom Monologues.

    Mary
    Giggles and Guns

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  3. They are the same creatures that a speaker claimed were dumb and peaceful in a previous Bathroom Monologue. Whether you trust this one or that one, Alan, is up to you, but be careful. You're looking mighty edible today.

    Mary, thanks for stopping by!

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  4. What a useful guide! I too have trouble telling the difference. I wouldn't want to feed the trolls by accident.

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  5. Thanks for this, John. (scribbles notes furiously)

    Forewarned is forearmed. :)

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  6. Okay. I'll try to remember this John. Uh... which were you again? I'm teasing. I'm teasing. I will also remember never to feed a troll or share chocolate. Although, I bet an ogre would like chocolate. Or chocolate milk, or perhaps chocolate cows...

    Thanks for writing this.

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  7. Ohh, you're saying that my trolls are actually ogres?

    That would mean I'll have to rethink my writing challenge. Or do it all over again... *taps finger on cheek*

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  8. Where was this post when I was playing Dungeons & Dragons like a dork in the 80s?

    Good stuff.

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  9. Can I feed the trolls before midnight?

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