Thursday, June 30, 2011

Bathroom Monologue: Patch Notes for the Universe 6.62.607

-Removed last “corner” of the earth; nothing should fall off anymore.

-Pi now has an ending.

-Single-cell organisms now evolve into multi-cellular organisms without lab technicians falsifying data.

-Beginning of the universe is now capable of being studied. Sorry everybody, but previous theories were all bunk anyway.

-The “Roanoke Colony” thing no longer happened.

-Human and Neanderthal interactions now more paleontologically confusing.

-Heisenberg uncertainty principle now consistently inconsistent.

-Boston, MA now mildly more navigable.


  1. More consistently inconsistend? John, you kill me. :)

  2. You were making sense right up to Boston. After that, it just got too implausible.

  3. Can I suggest patches for next version?

    * Gravity tweaked. Apples no longer cause as much pain when dropping from trees.

    * Environmental Disaster Randomizer added to provide more unpredictable weather systems for south east Asia and the Gulf of Mexico.

  4. I have noticed no more boats missing in the Bermuda Triangle... at least for awhile. Is that the patched corner? :D

  5. All I want is to be able to find the dang remote. Can that be fixed?

    Funny post, John. You had me laughing from the very first.

  6. love the idea for a universe patch. LOL You always make me laugh.

    really like this line: Human and Neanderthal interactions now more paleontologically confusing


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