Bathroom Monologue: "$200" -Pricetag on a white shirt at Nordstroms

We're talking state-of-the-art. The rest of the art cries itself to sleep and dreams of being this artistic. Each atom of the fabric is handcrafted by quality union labor, woven across molecules in our trademark pattern of authenticity for ultrafriction. We're talking subzero friction, baby. The smoothest shirt you can get outside of antimatter markets. Your hand doesn't just slide off it -- it slides through it. It's almost like it isn't there. Every elite expert of every continent that fashion's ever cared about has been consigned to collect and condense every brilliant color in creation. This beats prisms like the sun beats a candle. Most eyes can't even process this kind of brilliance, though I'm sure you can see it. Look at those details. You only get that from our authentic weave. Now is that cash or credit? We're offering bonus store points for every hundred dollars spent on gold cards, you know.