Monday, December 3, 2007

Bathroom Monologue: "R.A Salvatore is an avid weightlifter." –Salvatore’s bio in the Dark Elf Trilogy

Helen Keller wrote better imagery than most of our modern best-sellers, and if we know anything about Homer, it's that he was blind. Margery Kempe, author of the first autobiography, was illiterate, not that illiteracy got in Richard Wright's way. Walt Whitman, Herman Melville and William Shakespeare were probably simultaneously gay and homophobic. Alexander Pope, who wrote perhaps the most beautiful poetry in the English language, was a half-crippled hunchback. Flannery O'Connor was housebound with lupus, writing some of her stories in a hospital bed. Fitzgerald was an alcoholic, Virgil was crazy (so bad that he almost burned the only copy of The Aeneid), while Virginia Woolf and Ernest Hemingway were outright suicidal. If you gathered the gamut of the best writers of this or any other language, their collective body fat, disfigurements and mental disorders would preclude them from any library, save the one at Arkham Asylum, which is itself fictional.

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