Bathroom Monologue: "For thematic material and smoking." -Explanation for I’ve Loved You So Long’s PG-13 rating in its MPAA rating box

The following film is Rated G for uninteresting anthropomorphism, for teen heartthrobs that you can’t comprehend why your daughter finds attractive, and for dialogue so sugary it will test the kidneys of the strongest constitution. There’s a mature film that will engage your emotions and intellect without going all art-house or social-damnation on in Theatre 4. Run now and I promise the clerks won’t come by checking your tickets. I’ll watch the kids. Go on. You let the television play nanny over them from 3:00 to dinner every weekday, so why not me? Look how colorful I am. Listen to those nasal voice actors. That’s right. Just walk up that aisle and let me take care of the rest.