Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Bathroom Monologue: Sorry this one ain't funnier

Now whether the Atheist fell in love with the Priest first, or the Priest fell for the Atheist first, they couldn't agree. That was okay, because they were so far apart on what happened at that other Beginning. That was okay because it wasn't facts that made them love. The Priest, let's call him 'Louis,' he loved her because God allowed it, God willed it, and because he couldn't say "No" to a miracle like her. The Atheist, let's call her 'Lois,' loved him because of his work ethic and philanthropy, because of the way he challenged her, because of the way he held her hand on that second date that wasn't a date. Ironically, neither of them believed in true love. Each believed the other was halfway decent in the sack, and said that each was fullway decent, and that was testament to their love. And Lois said, "I'm going to live forever so we can keep feeling this." And Louis laughed, "No one lives forever. But I'll die first, men always do, and I'll prove that there is a Heaven. Then I'll come get you." And Lois shook her head, "No, I'm going to live forever, and I'm going to bring you back to life, because there's nothing else, and I can't live without you." And Louis sighed, "Well it wouldn't be Heaven without you." In time, Louis died first, of his weak heart. Lois didn't weap, but worked on her chemicals, on her artificial extremities, and found the fountain of youth in the squirting end of a syringe. Louis went on his journey, digging out of the graveyard of the soul, passing through the steppes of Purgatory, and navigating the lonely side of a long river. Lois tried to vivify Louis's corpse, and Louis tried to grasp Lois's soul. Each reached for the other, but what they tried to hold wasn't there. And so neither died, and neither lived. What they did do, though, they did together. Not that they knew.


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