Friday, November 30, 2007

Bathroom Monologue: Why else would you call them "wisdom teeth"?

Contrary to the Babel Fish theory, there is nothing wrong with your ear. It is your dirty mouth, so ignorant and full of dead teeth, that spews forth the verbal problems. In ancient times the body produced a few sentient organs to monitor the stupidity of the tongue. They would pre-process all vibrations and muscular impulses, radiating out sound waves much in the way that a prism refracts light waves. The various colors of sound could then be "heard" by any intelligent organism within earshot as though spoken within its own dunderheaded language, thanks to organs located in its mouth. These dental organs were called "Wisdom Teeth," and are the reason why all those different species are able to talk to each other in Fantasy novels. You never heard about Gimli or King Arthur having his wisdom teeth pulled, did you? That's right. There were even writings during these historical periods that foresaw and lamented for the world when such vital organs as the wisdom teeth, little toe and appendix lost function by mutation, though they were treated as crap science fiction at the time. Leading scientists at the University of Braintree hypothesize that people now bite their tongues as a sub-genetic reflex from a time when wisdom teeth guarded the tongue from saying anything too stupid.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Counter est. March 2, 2008