Bathroom Monologue: What kind of catalog was it?

Wrapped in barbed wire was a box made of thorny wood. The box was built with traps, such that if opened improperly, darts would shoot from all surfaces. Inside the box lay a robe infected from a dozen diseased patients. Within the robe was wrapped a special scabbard, with a spearhead instead of an endcap, and one side sharpened so that it could cut like an axe. The sword within the scabbard was double-edged, with saw-like teeth on the rear blade so that no surgeon could sew wounds it made. Within the long handle of the sword was hidden a triangular dagger. Within the handle of the dagger was a hidden poisoned needle. The parcel was delivered promptly on time, but was never opened, as the man who had ordered it pricked his foot on a rusty nail and died of tetanus the day after he mailed the order form.