Bathroom Monologue: The Tinkerer's Tip #7 on How to Lie Your Way into the Upper Class

No one you want to impress shops at Wal-Mart, ma'am. In fact they hold anyone who shops there in disdain. Any store you can think of is unacceptable. If they ask about a piece of jewelry or a tablecloth or a faux-16th century canopy bed, say you bought it at "a little boutique on the Cape." It doesn't matter how far away from the ocean you are; in fact, the further away you are, the more impressive your imaginary summer home will be. If you're worried your lie hasn't compensated enough, think of the most impressive store you know of and say something like, "I'm sure there will be knock-offs at Nordstrom’s next season, if they aren't there already." Oh, and shred your receipts.